What was number two? Sunday, Jan 22 2006
General 1:49 am
I’ve been neglecting this as the true outlet it needs in times like this. I suppose I can blame two things for that. Now, I know my wonderful friends had nothing but the best of intentions when they gave me free trial of World of Warcraft. It’s been a bit of a distraction from my reality lately. It’s not usually until I get a dose of it that I feel like I need to write. Mainly because I manage to stay numb the rest of the time. Some people have commented on wanting to hear more happy news from me. The fact is that what is happy to me seems sad to most other people. And yet, it is sad to me as well. But, that is what I need to say and for that reason alone, I have to say it.
The world here changes so much every day. I’m scared. I’m excited. I’m lonely. I’m overwhelmed with company. I want my life back. I want to make a new one. I don’t know what to do next. I have too many options. Which will I choose? Which is right? Which one takes me closer to there? Which one takes me farther from this?
I don’t know what’s next, I don’t know what was first. I only know that I sit here wishing I knew how to put into words the feelings you have when you drive through a neighborhood and you see a flood line above your car and you think “there were dead bodies floating right here.” It’s not so much that it’s sad. It becomes so very real. This destruction we cause. You can hold it. And it’s so empty. And you can’t hand it to someone else. But, it’s so heavy. Could someone else take this? But you keep holding. Because someone has to. We have to do it together.
heal plz
